Markasaurus

My friend Chad (who lives in North Carolina) informed me earlier today that he is on crutches. This prompted a three-way email discussion with our friend Chris over what his excuse should be when people ask about his injury. The slightly edited list follows:

• I jumped off the bar stool wrong.
• I was chasing after some freshman girls during my lunch break and they were just too fast.  Now that I am 30, if I run fast I will break something.
• I took a slap shot to the ankle.
• I was hunting squirrels up in Mt. Airy and I got attacked my a mountain lion.
• Syphilis.
• I owe people money.
• I am a famous writer and I was taken hostage in a secluded mountain home by a fan who broke my ankles when
  she discovered that I turned her ceramic penguin in the wrong direction.
• I was preparing for a made for TV movie about Joe Theisman’s famous Monday Night Football compound fractured leg and was hurt during filming so they have to postpone filming until I am healthy.
• I was born this way, but was always too proud to use crutches before.
• I always used crutches, thanks for finally noticing.
• As part of the cease and desist order, I can’t talk about it.
• “He’ll hurt me more if I talk to you.”
• I am getting lazy and tried convincing my doctor I needed a Hov-a-round wheelchair, but he didn’t buy it and gave me crutches, so now I have to use them or I could go to jail for medical fraud.
• I was rolling my pant legs and poked my ankle with a safety pin.

If you have any further additions, feel free to add them in the comments!