Markasaurus was economically stimulated by George W. Bush this afternoon

So you finally got your economic stimulus check. I received mine this afternoon. Thanks to a very high social security number, I was one of the last people in the US to get “paid.” I’ve been looking forward to it for months, mostly so I could write this post. This was even more exciting than the last time our illustrious president attempted to bribe the American public, way back in 2001:

So now that you have your payment, what are you going to do with it? If you aren’t going to either buy groceries, gas or pay off (some) of you debt, what would be a good way to spend it? I’ve come up with a few ways you could spend it and not give in to the idea that handing out $600 checks will significantly revive our economy:

• Ride your bike or walk to Canada or Mexico or spend it on booze and strippers. Make sure to cash your check before leaving home. If you drive, you’ll get stuck paying for gas and tolls.
• Cash the check and buy something used on Craigslist. Make sure you don’t pay taxes.
• Frame the check as a keepsake. This (obviously) is not as fun as the first two.

What’s the best thing you could really do with your check? Invest it. In ten years you’ll have $1,420 if you get a 9% rate of return in the stock market. Or you’ll have over $3,300 if you keep it in the market for 20 years. Better yet, take it Reno and you can double your money in five minutes.

Welcome to Canada!
I know it has been a while, but Markasaurus isn’t extinct. I was studying for my LEED Exam (green building certification) and recovering from my vacation to the Pacific Northwest. So much has happened in the last month, but I don’t have time to write about it today.

Have a great Canada Day, but don’t drink too much Labatt Blue or eat too much poutine!

Typical presentation of Vegetarian Pasta Chicken Finger Surprise

Do to popular demand, the recipe corner is back. To make today’s delicious meal, you will need:

• Whatever pasta you can find in your kitchen.
• A can of pasta sauce or tomato puree
• Frozen vegetables (it doesn’t matter what type they are)
• Feta cheese
• Vegetarian chicken fingers (frozen) from Trader Joe’s

Put the frozen vegetables in a pan on the stove with a little water and cook until they aren’t frozen but before they are burning. Pour in pasta sauce and continue heating.

While this is on the stove, put the chicken fingers in the toaster oven for the amount of time recommended on the box. You should also cook the pasta- it doesn’t matter if it is all the same type of pasta.

Pour the pasta on to plates and smother with sauce/vegetables. Crumble Feta on top. Take chicken fingers out of the toaster oven and arrange artfully on the plate.

MMMMM! Dinner’s ready!

Oh, and in case you live in the SF Bay Area, there is a WIND ADVISORY!!!

…WIND ADVISORY REMAINS IN EFFECT UNTIL 5 AM PDT THURSDAY…

NORTHWEST WINDS WILL CONTINUE TO INCREASE TODAY…REACHING SUSTAINED SPEEDS OF AROUND 35 MPH WITH GUSTS OVER 45 MPH EXPECTED. WINDS THIS STRONG CAN MAKE DRIVING DIFFICULT… ESPECIALLY FOR HIGH PROFILE VEHICLES. USE EXTRA CAUTION.

PERIODS OF STRONG WINDS WILL CONTINUE IN THE HILLS AND AT THE COAST THROUGH THE END OF THE WEEK. CONTINUE TO MONITOR THE LATEST WEATHER UPDATES FROM THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE FOR THE POSSIBILITY OF ADDITIONAL WIND ADVISORIES OR HIGH WIND WARNINGS.

My Bratz Balloon is on the floor

You know your birthday is finally over when the Bratz balloon your friend gave you finally sinks to the floor. This happened over the weekend, during the tail end of the Great Heat Wave of ‘08 (please do not confuse this with “Death Storm ‘08″). My balloon, which just a few short weeks ago adorned a piece of tasty carrot cake, now rests on the floor.

Andy told me that this present was the key to everlasting life when he gave it to me. I have to admit, it lasted a very long time for a helium balloon. Now I can take the rest of the air out and hang the picture of the “Bratz” up on my wall! Or maybe not…

And now, some sad news about Markasaurus.com. A spammer hacked my header file and put many unsavory search terms at the beginning of my blog. It was hidden to the casual user, but it showed up in search results, and Markasaurus.com got booted off the search rankings on Google! What a travesty! Some spammer is preventing people from finding an important source of breaking news, all to sell a few bottles of counterfeit erectile dysfunction medicine. I corrected the issue and the site should show up in search results again soon. How would people have known not to lock their pets and babies in their cars during the heat wave if it weren’t for Markasaurus? This site saves lives!

Screenshot from my Google homepage.

Here is the latest! Don’t put your dog and baby in the car trunk!!!

…EXCESSIVE HEAT WARNING REMAINS IN EFFECT UNTIL 8 PM PDT THIS EVENING…

THIS EXCESSIVE HEAT WARNING IS BEING ISSUED UTILIZING THE NEW HEAT HEALTH WARNING SYSTEM. IT IS SPECIFIC TO THE AREAS INCLUDED IN THIS HEAT WARNING. IT IS TARGETED AT THE ELDERLY OR INFIRMED…WHO MIGHT BE MUCH MORE SENSITIVE TO HEAT AND THUS AT GREATER RISK. INDIVIDUALS WHO FALL INTO THIS CATEGORY SHOULD BE ESPECIALLY CAREFUL BY DRINKING PLENTY OF WATER AND SEEKING A COOLER LOCATION FOR THE DAY IF NO AIR CONDITIONING IS AVAILABLE. IT IS VERY IMPORTANT THAT FRIENDS OR RELATIVES CHECK FREQUENTLY ON THOSE WHO MIGHT BE PRONE TO HEAT SENSITIVITY.

ALSO…NEVER LEAVE CHILDREN…ELDERLY OR PETS UNATTENDED IN ENCLOSED VEHICLES…EVEN FOR A SHORT TIME. TEMPERATURES QUICKLY RISE TO LIFE- THREATENING LEVELS EVEN WHEN THE WINDOWS ARE PARTIALLY OPENED.

Kaati, not eating a bird

the office cat kills a bird in the courtyard and eats it next to your chair. No thanks Kaati, I’m not that hungry. You go ahead and finish it yourself.

Dog on Shoes, in Venice CA.

In the spirit of the “Daily Puppy” website that some of you may be familiar with, I present the Markasaurus “Tuesday Pet Pal” feature, that may or may not ever be repeated. I took this photo in Venice, CA on my recent trip. This dog s sitting on the shoes that are displayed in the bottom of the store window while someone puts up a new display.

I should mention that the most popular post I’ve ever written was about the Black and White Tegu, a large semi-aggressive lizard that some of you might remember from last August. It makes up over 3% of the pageviews for the entire site, and is the top landing page behind the index. If anyone knows anything about why these animals are so popular I would love to hear an explanation.

Handwriting Analysis, near the corner of 9th and Lincoln. 

I spotted this sign on Lincoln Blvd. today on the way in to Golden Gate Park. A handwriting analysis office? I’m intrigued. Even more intriguing: they aren’t on yelp.com yet. If you have had your handwriting analyzed at DaHil’s, now’s your chance to be the “first to review.”

On a side note, did anyone else catch “Desperate Housewives” tonight? I was drinking a 16 oz. can of Bud Light on the couch with the cat and couldn’t help but be fascinated by the insane number of plot twists the writers managed to pack into one episode. Phew. I need to go to bed.

Rite Aid Beverly Hills, at night.

Yes, that’s right (or should I say “Rite”). Not only is there a Rite Aid in Beverly Hills, they actually call it “Rite Aid Beverly Hills” with “Beverly Hills” written in script on the sign as if it were a Bentley dealer or Cartier. Upon going into the store, it was mostly good old Rite Aid- sunscreen, medicine and snack food as far as the eye can see. There was an ice cream parlor inside too, but I have seen those in other Rite Aid locations. It’s not like they were selling caviar and pate flavored soft serve or anything either, it was just regular ice cream.

This picture depicts a display window on the back of a trashy lingerie shop on La Cienega Blvd. in West Hollywood. What was I doing at a trashy lingerie shop? I was on my way to the organic vegan restaurant next door, of course. Note that one of the mannequins in this photo is disintegrating. I don’t have any theories on that, or at least any theories I could reveal in a family-oriented blog like this.That’s the best part about LA- you’ll find insane juxtapositions of high and low culture, good taste and bad, or hippie food and pervert mannequin fetish all on the same block (oh, wait, this is starting to sound like my Master’s Thesis).

As long as we’re on the subject of weird juxtapositions in Los Angeles, don’t white plaster statues of men with American flags make you want to run out and buy a suit?

Santa Monica Topiary Dinosaurs, proudly guarding the Promenade.

Yes, even Los Angeles has dinosaurs. Of course, they are made out of shrubs and shoot water from their mouths while people casually eat frozen yogurt and shop at an outdoor mall. This is one of the many highlights of last weekend’s trip.

Another highlight of the trip was visiting the Museum of Jurassic Technology. I’m sure many of you have heard of it by now. It’s a museum that is really more of a conceptual art project. While it projects the trappings of an “official” museum, you never quite know whether the things on display are real or not. You also never really know why they are on display, as much of what’s in the museum looks either obscure, insignificant or both. Long story short, I can’t describe it well enough to do it justice. If you are passing through Culver City, give yourself at least an hour and a half to see the displays and more than that if you want to read everything (actually you would need a whole day for that).

One of the displays featured this glass case with a dog’s head inside. Through a series of prisms, the image of a man fidgeting in a chair and barking is projected into space so that when you look into the case, he appears to be in the dog’s head. Then he starts barking. It’s priceless, and this one exhibit is worth the price of admission alone.